Take the Risks and We Shall Conquer

Sometimes I think i'm not being true to myself, bear in mind, that you can't actually see through the real me....my heart within....filled with the source of secrecy. The heart of a mankind which protrude from the body itself....The Art!

Play it, as it may be how my heart felt for the day


Friday, May 06, 2005

(GASP)!!! Fear Is Eating Me Away!!!

As a matter of fact, I was already eaten by "Fear", well... what can I say, I could never felt this bad, this fearful that almost making me going insane.... not quite yet though. I can never experience this in my entire life... nope... never. I know this sounds odd to you, but it's totally a different story to me, who well, a narrator himself, would not dare to speak it out again.... it happens like this, as in order:
"C'mon, it's ok to go out and catch some fresh air a little, it's better than staying in the house alone, staring blindly to the wall of your own room... c'mon, u looked fatter than I'd ever thought, do you wanna turn into the same old plumpy fatty little kiddo that you used to be, everyone's gonna be shocked to see you "replenished" again as soon as the term starts. C'mon Tony.... get motivated.... (blah blah...)" BLabbed my mum fussily... sheesh... I, on the other hand, was surveying aimlessly from the window, to the wall again, the laptop residing on the table, and then to her. Thinking... "Get a clue mum, I need a break, well obviously the exams are over, I need to crang myself up, (What's crank? I have no idea, just to express how cranky i am... wham!!) well... I felt not like going out and shop, it won't do me any better, moreover, it's merely doing window shopping, which I got very bored with, I don't want to buy stuffs! What I need is to meet some friends to hang out with, and to have some pieces of cracking thoughts to share with." Well, obviously I daren't speak to her this way, I just nodded obediently at her, and on second thought, it's only a way of pretending just to "shoo" her away. Mum, sorry.... it's my fault, I'm a bad, darn! See, how rebelious was I, I really do not wish to do this, all I need is some privacies!
Then suddenly an unexpected rapid reply was shot, "Didn't a week not enough for you to have privacies, you now are like a prisoner, (Mum, I'm not! I went through a four day continuous activities, came home with my body being stewed and smelled, I was sweating alot....), Stop arguing, it just a few days. Now you are locking yourself up from the room and whatever you do is up to no good! (What!!! I'm just surfing the net) Aha... surfing, what else? Download MP3s, perhaps downloading your favourite comedies, FRIENDS? (Mum, I wrote journals too... weakened voice). Oh... that's all.... I'm going to expect a high raise of your short-sightedness. Gulps... right, you are right mum, it's been like a lodge of burdens just went falling from my heart to my stomach... this is the thing that I scared the most. Mind you guys, I have a very high short-sightedness... I knew that long time ago for I'm going to have a sharp increase of it. I was damn afraid to see an optical specialist... as soon as he / she beckoned me to wear those weird looking power-standby spectacle, like some robot eyes, I will erm shiver abit.... and try my very best to see the alphabets that I was motioned to read.
Well, My mum, she is good... to give this excuse to motivate me getting out from the house...., yup, she is worried too. And, I'm damn worried. I knew I can no longer conceal my short-sightedness power, because I'd not been checking my eyes for the past 4 or 5 years. Athough I'm wearing a contact lens, it won't be able to control my power for eternity, right? So, I bravely made my mind.... "Ok mum, I'll go, but with you as a company." "Sure, will glad to...." My mum seemed a little happier... Mum, have my credit to be able to encourage me. I knew she did this with her heart... mother's day is just the day after tomorrow.... And I can get the chance to buy her some goodies.
Well, I was all relieved after learning the fact that I have a sharp increase.... (Relieved?!) yeah... why should I be upset? As I had already expected this few years back.... My mum was there to inspire me.... Mum, I love you! Happy mother's day! Wanna know my power.... later........


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