Take the Risks and We Shall Conquer

Sometimes I think i'm not being true to myself, bear in mind, that you can't actually see through the real me....my heart within....filled with the source of secrecy. The heart of a mankind which protrude from the body itself....The Art!

Play it, as it may be how my heart felt for the day

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Friday, January 14, 2005

I wanted to be a good boy. no joke man! Yeah… wat’s wrong?

What is so shocking to c when a guy said that he wanted to be good? What is that sneering face, what is so funny looking at yr computer screen like this? Want a piece of me? I wanted to be a good boy, that’s all! (oops… Ssssh… Tony dearest, you shudn’t be this harsh to yr blog readers, u gonna scared them away, shud have write something nice and refreshing, moreover, today’s title sure sound weird, guess so – my angel had spoken) Oh yeah… sure.

Without further babbling, I wud like to start of the topic of the day – wanted to be a good boy, blek… recalled back the olden days of me being a primary student, a very naive, mischievous, playful and erm…. foolish perhaps kinda kiddo, having a bunch of peeps who always do something “illegal” in school, well illegal as in breaking the school rules and stuff that I wudn’t thought I will do now. Often I had umpteen fights with the people I disliked, and which I knew least in school. And, talking about gals, on the other hand, erm… I wasn’t really that gentleman then, erm…. Even though I treated them well, but somehow I dun feel that I was generous last time.

To guys, heehee…. I remembered having fights with mean boys in school. Once, I had a terrible fight in the school bus, I fought using my own knuckles while my opponent used a special weapon (which I had forgotten what that is). I ended up with many bruises in my hands and not to mention, my face… see how naughty and evil I was? See, I’m not the cute guy anymore, was I? After the fight, the school bus driver told my family everything that had happened, and surely, that’ll also be my last day boarding the bus. I was scolded furiously by my father, another punishment that I’d to suffer again, even after the fight, my father saw no reason that I could go, he kept scolding and simultaneously giving me valuable advice of the life and stuffs like the ways a human shud behave… Imagine, I was a little kiddo and not even reaching the age of 9-year-old. But I felt embarrassed, luckily I noe when and what I need to regret and to repay back the debts that I had done! My mood just got swooped and down it went. Till now, I recollected all these foul memories, I giggled, but deep down in my heart, felt pretty bad too! Y does us human have to be this complicated?!

I had a strange encounter too. And again, it’s an embarrassing encounter as well. Erm…. That time I dunno wat love is… serious! I ah…. Told a gal tat I loved her, I just suddenly popped out in front of her, and she was three years younger than me, erm…. She just completed her… kinder actually, see how desperate I was? Nah… actually I was naïve lar, dunno wat is love mar, watch too much love movies…. but I think she knew “love” more than I knew tat time, cos she just say no…. and I try to erm…. Kiss her, was foolish… well… I got red faced rite now. But I did put my right hand on her back, erm…. She allowed that. She was mature to me, and she happened to be my erm… neighbour as well. Cant tell her name, P & C!!! But still, now she is my neighbour, kinda sheepish seeing her, though not seeing her often. She was a bright child, not going to look up a “shit” like me. But luckily we din fall in love cos… erm… she wasn’t the type 4 me. Was a fool saying it again…. I thought love is like….I liked her, so simple to say, but in reality love meant a lot, from protection, money to sincerity, and also her security. And the both need to keep their promises together, sacrifice something which is always the necessary step and so forth, talking about having an affair with a woman? Damn, no easy task. Now, what I wanted to say here is, after a series of understanding and guidance, I’m confident to say that I had become a someone, that care people, but I cant commit to a certain extent, if u noe what I meant, or at least after completed my studies in Uni, but certainly not now, I once did try to think of committing, but after a serious consideration, I finally gave up, was my fault if I do it, and ended up in chaos! And that I dun wan. Some more I no macho… (sigh), what pathetic teen I was!

Hehe… suddenly become so mature, not the same person that u guys known all this while, rite? Well… my topic seemed gone very far again, apologize for the inconvenience caused. Nah… it’s because I wanna share with u guys some arts of love! (haha… how can I do it, I myself nv had a relationship b4), and of cos there were signs of distractions and pressures from the family, no boy and gal fren relations in school, strictly no! This was one of the resistance, n there are more… duh… must have stop mentioning this issue, it’s a sensitive case.

Ok, I had finally turned good ever since I had the fight and I learnt a lot from the mistakes that I had made. Turning over a new leaf is never a hard thing to me, I believe all of us can cope that well. I heard lot’s of people telling me that hey! U looked so childish, act like a kid, but when it comes to giving n sharing thoughts with people, they said I think like an adult, and by that they meant I am complicated, a total mixed up of a kid having the adult’s brain of some sort. They said I’m caring, in which I do because I dun wan anybody to get hurt, esp my frens… I always tend to please people, n not to make them feeling bored, down n feeling sorta ill or low spirited. I always try to give advice and give moral support to them to cheer them up, but somehow…I…I myself …

Yeah, I wanna become a good boy, cos lately I spoke rudely, I even said %&#%(^!^% now, hehe, guess I need to control, yea.. cos I learnt from fren 1 lor. Evil words have to leave away from me…. far far away.

Like I said, “life is meant to be happy, dun lead a doleful life, n I noe it isn’t yr wish to live like that, but try to avoid having these unscrupulous thoughts. It had been a history to u, we humans have to look at the front path, the bright side of the road. Said is easier than done, true, but this phrase is always an excuse depriving u from being bold to do sth that u had long putting effort in. Well, all in all, I prayed to god that in this coming Chinese new year, everyone of us is going to have their wishes come true and lead wonderful lives. Challenges are jus ahead, we need to go beyond these! There are many opportunities ahead us n is waiting for us to explore. Gambate! Need to doze off ledi.

4 Comments:

At Saturday, January 15, 2005 6:55:00 AM, Blogger  said...

You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.

- Barbara DeAngelis

Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.

-George Jean Nathan

Where there is great love, there are always miracles.

-Willa Cather

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength;loving someone deeply gives you courage.

-Lao Tzu

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think of all these...perhaps you can have a better understanding...hugz

 
At Saturday, January 15, 2005 7:56:00 PM, Blogger garren_tony said...

thks for giving advice yesterday, heard u breakin down easily, get yrself a big stone then, put it on yr foot, so that u can get the grip of yer self, move steadily together with the stone... sure hard but works for me... in some sense... (personification)

 
At Sunday, January 16, 2005 5:49:00 AM, Blogger chichi said...

hehehe...my my my... you've grown well, my child. *laughs*

 
At Sunday, January 16, 2005 10:26:00 PM, Blogger erizabesu said...

;) hugz

 

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